Author Archives: David's Father

Destroying Success – please pray that we aren’t

I title this post “Destroying Success” for a simple fact.

English: Causal loop diagram - system archetyp...
English: Causal loop diagram – system archetype “Success to successful” (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

David has been in facility based care before.  He has been discharged from such a care to home three times out of the 5 placements he has had.  Each time home has resulted in behaviors so volatile that he experiences frequent trips to the mental health unit at the hospital in the city, frequent visits by law enforcement and many trips to safe bed.

By volatile, I mean violent aggressive behaviors, not to mention stealing, forging and other activities like trying to kill pets.

So he transitioned to his current placement in late June of this year.

He is successful.  He is always successful in placement.  Sure he has rough periods, but what teen doesn’t?  Heck, I would wonder what was wrong if he didn’t have rough periods.  So why would you destroy the safe world that he is in right now by sending him home?

I get least restrictive environment.  Believe me, I know what the phrase means.  When it comes to the success or failure of his life experience, I would much rather see him be successful.  Right now success occurs in care.

Today we were told that since the goal of the new placement is reunification, that if we didn’t bring him home for passes and visits, then they would just discharge him.  Passes and visits aren’t the issue here, the issue is two fold.

If he gets violent.  What do we do?  The only people he regularly attacks are family.  We call law enforcement.  Sure.  Great.  If they are on the other side of the county it can take them an hour to respond.

So they say we can bring him back early, if we have difficulty or he misbehaves.  Right?!  because transporting an angry, upset and hurt child 60 miles is a good idea?  Hey, lets get law enforcement to do it.  Because they are mental health professionals – right?!

I know. I am making excuses.

The other issue.  David knows exactly what he has to do to get out of care. How can they not see that?  He was discharged 18 months ago from a facility against doctors orders because insurance and medicaid wouldn’t cover.

I get that he isn’t exhibiting behaviors, and really, I am quite happy that he is doing so well.  But please, for his sake, don’t sabotage that.

In fairness to David, we, meaning both at home, and him in the facility, really need to work on our communication skills.

So we are going to try.

We will bring him home on pass.  Please pray that he continues to be successful.  Because in the end, all I want is for him to be able to live a happy well rounded life that is generally trouble free.  Don’t be destroying success because he doesn’t fit your mold of what should be in your facility.  I don’t know that this is what staff are doing, but he really hasn’t been there long enough to get an idea of who David really is.  Right now he allows them to see what they need to see.  Hear what they need to hear.

Listening to a Parrot.

Ever have the distinct realization that the words coming from your child’s mouth aren’t really his? That you are hearing the parroted version of what others have said? Much like listening to a parrot. Not that he has multiple personalities or anything. We had a meeting today, and while we heard from David, it felt… Continue Reading

On Autism and Disability – a youtube video

The thing to take from this video? Never give up hope. With David, we will always hope that there will be a time when he can be a part of society. I didn’t make this video.  All copyright and trademarks are held by their respective owners and I make no claim as to ownership. Tweet… Continue Reading

Playing with fire

I feel like we are playing with fire here.  Admittedly, David also likes to play with fire. David admitted to that too.  We had blamed another child for the small fires.  David claims that it was him that did the deed.  We have not had any of the fires during any of the periods when… Continue Reading

Admitting the horror

It has come to our attention that David has admitted to trying to kill animals with his hands, and with chemicals. I don’t fault David for admitting the horror that he has tried.  I don’t fault him for it, it is a symptom of his mental illnesses. Last year he attacked me more than once… Continue Reading

Risk Assessment – Hope, Dreams and Fear

What do you do when you need to balance the mental illness of one child against the wellness of a whole family? Do you allow the mentally ill and potentially very violent child to return home? Or do you push for another residential placement? Continue Reading

Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder Eval

David and I are traveling six hours tomorrow to get him evaluated for Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder.  This is a second opinion.  At 15, he likely will not be able to get any services for the diagnosis. But like I have said in the past, I don’t want anyone to say we haven’t tried to… Continue Reading

For those Dad’s who played a role in my life

    When we adopted our youngest, we did an adoption study. We had to write a bio and answer a ton of questions. Growing up, I had step-dad’s. My brother and I were adopted. Bio-Dad was in prison. Mom doesn’t acknowledge that period of her life. For those Dad’s who played a role in… Continue Reading

Failings of a Father.

Today, I write about my failings as a father. Yesterday I wrote about an investigation that occurred into an incident at the facility where David lives. What may have been “innocent play” resulted in an investigation.  an investigation I just learned about. are there gaps in the system?  Hell Yes. How could they not tell… Continue Reading