Author Archives: David's Father

Playing with fire

I feel like we are playing with fire here.  Admittedly, David also likes to play with fire.

David admitted to that too.  We had blamed another child for the small fires.  David claims that it was him that did the deed.  We have not had any of the fires during any of the periods when David has been in facility based care.

What methods can we employ do we deal with that?  Sure we can keep all matches, lighters, knives, candles, and other things that could be used to hurt the family, but at what point does it become too much?  In what reality is it fair for everyone in the house to live in an environment like this?  Why should the other kids feel like they too are being punished for David’s deeds?

Safety and Security

Sure we can fill the house with fire extinguishers, we have smoke detectors and other things like places where we can lock

Smoke detector
Playing with fire

up knives.  But what if he lights a fire while everyone is sleeping?  Even as much as I stay awake when he is home and sleeping, even I can’t stay awake all the time.  It would kill me to try.

Plus he is smart enough to know how to disable things like smoke detectors.

We can put alarms on his doors and windows, but he is techy enough that he can figure out how to get around those devices.

Reasons and Logic

I can think of so many reasons why he shouldn’t come home.  Then too, are the reasons why he should be able to come home.

Regardless of what I, the facility, or the state want, what keeps people safe? What is best for David?

How can he learn to interact in public without being able to be out in public like his peers?  What can we do to help him learn that it is not acceptable to try to kill other living creatures, including people?  How?

At the end of each day, I only have more questions. More fear.

Admitting the horror

It has come to our attention that David has admitted to trying to kill animals with his hands, and with chemicals. I don’t fault David for admitting the horror that he has tried.  I don’t fault him for it, it is a symptom of his mental illnesses. Last year he attacked me more than once… Continue Reading

Risk Assessment – Hope, Dreams and Fear

What do you do when you need to balance the mental illness of one child against the wellness of a whole family? Do you allow the mentally ill and potentially very violent child to return home? Or do you push for another residential placement? Continue Reading

Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder Eval

David and I are traveling six hours tomorrow to get him evaluated for Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder.  This is a second opinion.  At 15, he likely will not be able to get any services for the diagnosis. But like I have said in the past, I don’t want anyone to say we haven’t tried to… Continue Reading

For those Dad’s who played a role in my life

    When we adopted our youngest, we did an adoption study. We had to write a bio and answer a ton of questions. Growing up, I had step-dad’s. My brother and I were adopted. Bio-Dad was in prison. Mom doesn’t acknowledge that period of her life. For those Dad’s who played a role in… Continue Reading

Failings of a Father.

Today, I write about my failings as a father. Yesterday I wrote about an investigation that occurred into an incident at the facility where David lives. What may have been “innocent play” resulted in an investigation.  an investigation I just learned about. are there gaps in the system?  Hell Yes. How could they not tell… Continue Reading

Modern Communication and an Investigation

Modern communication can be a wonderful thing. Where David is concerned, I make it a point to let staff know that they can reach out to me, any time, day or night.  I also encourage communication via email. I encourage email communication more than anything because it allows both sides to keep a record of… Continue Reading

Da Journey – A family VLOG about the Autism journey

I run across all kinds of advocates in my work in the Autism advocacy community. A VLOG is a Video Blog.  So we all understand what the term is. There are a lot of phenomenal advocates, parent advocates and people who advocate for themselves. Then there is the Mayhew family who approach advocacy unlike anything… Continue Reading

I Guess That’s My Cue

I don’t write about anyone in the family except David, unless I am writing about things he has done to his siblings.  Today, I am writing about my son…  let’s call him George. George has Asperger’s Syndrome, which falls in the Autism Spectrum Disorder list.  He does really well. Earlier this year, he brought up… Continue Reading

Pending Change of Placement

Pending Change of Placement

Change of Placement.What happens if… David has been in a facility placement since October of 2015.  Now he is nearing the end of his time at the current facility.  Plans are to transition to another facility when a bed is available. We wanted him to finish out the current school year in his current placement. … Continue Reading