Author Archives: carlyoung

the greatest treasure

Marc turned thirteen years old last Tuesday.  On July 28th, will be 11 years since his adoption was finalized.  How quickly the time goes.

For Marc’s birthday, we went out to the facility he lives in to visit him.  Most of the family went.  We arrived late Monday, spent Tuesday, Wednesday and part of Thursday visiting Marc.

He wasn’t with us all of the time, just in 2 or 3 hour spurts.  It was good to see him.  He has grown so tall.

The hard part wasn’t just in seeing him, it was the fear.  I could sense it in his siblings, though they all did their best to hide it.  I know Mom, I and Aunt all felt that fear.

Before we even arrived at the facility we had a plan in place to lock up all of our technology while Marc was with us.

Nothing like giving him a chance.

He is so polite.  He came to us the evening of his birthday, and everything was “yes, no, please and thank you.”  He was polite before, but not like this.

marc going for the ballHe brought his birthday present from the residence with him.  A football.  It was so neat to watch he and his sister play catch that evening.  When Marc was at home, she was a frequent target of his physical, emotional and mental attacks.

For his birthday, we gave him a guitar, amp, case, some picks and a warning that his being able to play it hinged on his behaviors.  Without positive behaviors, there is no guitar.  Marc seemed excited, at least as excited as he can be.

We gave him other things, but not for his birthday.  Things that he needs.  Shoes, clothes, and what not.

Wednesday, Marc joined us for lunch.  Never seen anyone eat so much peanut butter.  According to staff, that is normal for him.  He would eat peanut butter to the exclusion of everything else if they let him.

During those periods when Marc wasn’t with us, we scavenged for treasures in the second hand stores in the community where he lives.  So many treasures.  I think that the whole family will agree that the greatest treasure we received this week was the time with Marc.

Wednesday evening we watched movies with the kids.

Thursday, Marc came back for lunch.  He is in summer school, so everything was worked around that schedule.  That afternoon we met with the care team for the monthly update.  It was great to see faces and put them with the names and voices we have been hearing on the phone.  I reiterated our desire to have the least amount of medication possible for Marc.  Less is more.  So we are continuing to wean him off the medicines.  Nice to work with a psychiatrist who agrees with that concept and doesn’t just push more pills all of the time.

I explained to the kids during family therapy before we left to return home, prior to his placement in this facility, Marc had to go through a med wash about every 60 days.  He hasn’t had one med wash since he moved to the new facility.

Our stay with Marc was facilitated in part by the placement.  They have residential units for family.  we took up two units because of the size of our family.  The staff was incredibly supportive.  While I am frustrated with the idea of Marc being so far from home, I feel that we are blessed that he is in this facility.

a coming birthday

So Marc has a birthday coming up.  he will be a teen. In my quest to get Medicaid reinstated, he was given something called a recipient liability. He has a recipient liability because he has an income.  (SSI and an adoption subsidy).  it isn’t more than 900 a month, and the subsidy isn’t his.   anyway. Continue Reading

This is what happened when I drove my Mercedes to pick up food stamps – The Washington Post

this is a well written piece that is worth a look. ==== This is what happened when I drove my Mercedes to pick up food stamps – The Washington Post.

finding your true path

i am adopted, and had a number of step dads while I was a kid.  Looking back I can see the hallmark indicators of reactive attachment disorder (RAD) in myself.  Not as bad as our Marc, but still there.  I am the way I am today because of two reasons. A probation officer gave meContinue Reading

working on non-profit status

We have been mostly quiet here at Why Not Fathers.  Rest assured things have been busy. Currently we are working on incorporating Why Not Fathers as a non-profit.  We are hoping that this will open up opportunities for speaking and further engagement. Potential speaking engagements include the following topics: fatherhood adoption – both as aContinue Reading

Cancer | A Blogger and a Father

Note:  I do not have cancer.  I am reposting a blog entry from a friend on a Dad Blogger group that I am a member of.  He has cancer. For more information about Oren, his family, and their situation with his diagnosis, read the post.  If you feel like making a donation, you can doContinue Reading

Lost and Tired – Confessions: I feel like everything is falling apart around me

A post from a fellow parent about their struggles with RAD. This link will take you to a new page. Lost and Tired – Confessions: I feel like everything is falling apart around me.

The Elusive, Manipulative Adopted Child – Tina Traster – The Atlantic

I link to this article because I think that it is worth reading.  It might help my readers understand that we aren’t alone in dealing with the behaviors brought on by Reactive Attachment Disorder. We need to start a conversation on a National, and International level about this.  In my opinion, there will be moreContinue Reading

Medicaid resolved

Just received notification that our Medicaid case for Marc has been resolved. That is a load off my mind.  Long story short, because we worked with our case manager to find placement, and got denials from 5 in-state facilities before we placed Marc in another state, he is still covered by our state Medicaid. WhatContinue Reading

Medicaid letter

As part of the process of dealing with Medicaid, we received a letter from our county social services office. It reads in part: Your Medicaid will end on May 31, 2014 because: Your case closed as you requested. It then goes on to list the applicable laws. Further it states: The Medicaid for Marc isContinue Reading