Author Archives: David's Father

The Hard Decision

I title this post “The Hard Decision” because we have had to make a difficult decision.

We made the decision to not bring David home on pass.

An expert in David’s disorder has recommended for safety reasons that David not come home.

So we have made the decision to refuse passes.  At 15, as much as the facility would try to have us believe otherwise, David just doesn’t care.

I doubt that anyone at the facility has any idea just how difficult it is to do something like this.  We have anguished about this decision since the recommendation first came from the doctor.  If David was the only one we were concerned about, it would be a no-brainer to us, and we would bring him home all the time on pass.  But without support at home, we just can’t put everyone at risk that way.

Put aside your fear

We were told to put aside our fear.

My question is this:  How?

How do I forget him trying to beat me with a shovel?  When will I forget him trying to crash the vehicle we were driving in because he was angry?  How do I forget that he admittedly tried to kill our family pets, and those of his respite provider?

Can you forget? 

I don’t honestly know what is going to happen when he is discharged.  We are working on a plan of some kind, but I can’t share that here yet.

It’s not a simple thing to say no to a loved one, especially over the holidays, when we are all about family.

It is also incredibly easy for the facility to blame his behaviors on us not bringing him home on pass.  If only that was the whole reason for him to behave this way.  If that was the answer, don’t you think we would bend over backwards to keep him out of care?

We did that for the first 10 years of his life. For us, it’s a multifaceted reason.  His mental health, his disability, my health, the mental health of the rest of the family, and so much more.  Putting ideas into his head will not help him get better.

Where will you be?

I get that it is your job to advocate for him.  What do you think my role is?  We are both working toward the same goal, but remember, long after you have left the team, I will still be his father.  I will still be fighting for him and what is best for him.  Where will you be?

Anxiety high, as we near discharge for David

Anxiety In a little more than a month, David will return from his fifth placement in six years.  As a result, we are on edge.  Anxiety in people who are already in a heightened state of upset is not good.  We are told that things will be different this time. By the admissions of the… Continue Reading

National Adoption Month – A thank you

Adoption story – A thank you Readers may remember more than 4 years ago when I wrote about Ronald McDonald and Houdini.  That four post series is still among the more popular posts on this site. My brother and I are adopted.  Our father, adopted us when I was 3 and my brother was 4. … Continue Reading

SMI and the Tragedy of Adulthood

SMI – Serious Mental Illness The National Survey on Drug Use and Health  (NSDUH), which defines SMI (Serious Mental Illness) as: A mental, behavioral, or emotional disorder (excluding developmental and substance use disorders); Diagnosable currently or within the past year; Of sufficient duration to meet diagnostic criteria specified within the 4th edition of the Diagnostic… Continue Reading

Race Conversations

The Race Conversation This isn’t a Black Lives Matter post, yet it is.  Does that make sense? Today, we had a meeting with David at his school because he got caught hacking the school network and surfing pornography during class time.  His punishment is loss of technology privileges for the rest of the semester. In… Continue Reading

Reality Bites

Reality Bites – David is doing well.  I get that. I get that he can’t stay where he is forever.  I understand. In all likelihood, David will be home by Christmas. Experience tells us that, we we can expect 6 weeks of honeymoon before things turn negative.  That will bring us to the first of… Continue Reading

Ever Vigilant, Hyper-Vigilant

Vigilant. Hyper-Vigilant. We had an overnight pass with David over the weekend. While things went well, there were near constant redirects.  There wasn’t anything that can lay a finger on as saying this is a huge issue.  It was just little stuff. Rather than bringing him home, with the risk that such a trip entails,… Continue Reading

Safety, a blanket I want to wrap around my family.

Safety. the website defines safety as: noun, plural safeties. 1. the state of being safe; freedom from the occurrence or risk of injury, danger, or loss. 2. the quality of averting or not causing injury, danger, or loss. 3. a contrivance or device to prevent injury or avert danger. This weekend we are bringing… Continue Reading

Not to sound pushy – we will discharge if…

“Not to sound pushy.. we will discharge if…” Yes, that’s the opening salvo in a conversation with staff. “If you don’t take David home on an overnight pass either this weekend, or next, we will discharge him.” I argued.  And will continue to argue. In the meeting prior to this one, that included David, I… Continue Reading