A watershed moment

yesterday, Friday, was something of a watershed moment for us.  We realize that we are one day closer to moving David to another state for the ongoing care and treatment of his multifaceted mental illness. 

On Monday, December 23, we will have our last monthly staffing meeting for David.

On Monday, December 23, we will celebrate Christmas with David.

Sometime in the first two weeks of January, 2014, mom and I will make the trip to his new home with him.  After that, there won’t be any more weekly visits.  We will have Skype, but hugging a computer isn’t the same as hugging my son.

We are happy that we get to spend one more Christmas with him close by.

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I was thinking today, my childhood.  See my brother and I are adopted.  We share the same DNA, he is about 18 months older.  So, I understand some of what David is dealing with when it comes to feelings of abandonment.

Mom and Dad divorced when I was very young.  We lived with Mom.

Life wasn’t always easy, but then, when is it?  Mom married and divorced a number of times, so there wasn’t really a firm father figure in our lives.

When my wife and I decided to pursue adoption we had to complete a home study.  As a part of that, I had to write a autobiography.

When the social worker reviewed it, she asked, “what would you base your parenting style on?”

I responded with what I knew.

Father Knows Best
Leave it to Beaver
The Brady Bunch
My Three Sons
and The Andy Griffith Show

The social worker then said, “You know, those aren’t representative of reality, right?”

“Neither was the way I grew up. ” I replied.

I then added, “I will raise my family the way I wanted to be raised.  With love, with respect.  Leading by example.  Family dinners.  Now, I am not saying that mom and dad didn’t love us. It just wasn’t shown to us.”

I hug my children every chance I get. I never hesitate to tell them how much I love them, and that they are important.  That they matter.

Here I am, sending our youngest away.  He is 12.  I know I am doing the right thing for David, and our family.  But, my heart is breaking.

Today, we secured the funding necessary to move David to his new home for the foreseeable future.  That idea just makes this all the more real.  That is today’s watershed moment.

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Related articles

• Mental Illness and magic (whynotfathers.com)
• How Can We Be Jolly – A Family vs. A Residential Treatment Facility (specialhappens.com)
• What do Ronald McDonald and Houdini have in common?  (whynotfathers.com)

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